4:47 am in the morning in New York and I’d like to say something.
For awhile I felt “genderqueer” wasn’t quite…right. In the sense that I don’t have more male days or female days as my genderqueer and genderfluid friends and family often do. I am simply of one solid self and presentation day by day.
But what? What was the word for it? I am not a man in the traditional sense of how I was born and society expected me to be. I’ve grown my hair long and corset-trained my waist into an hourglass femme-bodied shape. However, nor am I a transwoman. I have never felt dysphoric over my cock or felt a desire to have breasts or take hormones or anything. I am comfortable and at home within my AMAB body. I am a lady, but I am not a woman.
So what am I? Where do I belong in all of this? And I feel as if I…know now?
I am androgynous. Androgyne. I realize I WANT to be on the fence.I WANT to be in the middle. Not for shock value, not to make people look at me, not because i’m trying to be different or be noticed, but because….that is what I am. In my heart. And soul. Neither and both at once. A regal feminine empress soul with hard masculine edges.
That’s who I am.
So I am now going to identify as trans-androgyne. This term feels like it fits my presentation and existence so much better.
My other shit’s the same, male or singular neutral pronouns [he or it, preferred] with female titles [Mrs, Madam, Lady, etc], just needed to find the right overall word for who I, as Mer am.